Fire Alarms

I live in a dorm. It is the same dorm I lived in last year. And last year we had an abundance of fire alarms. As I soon discovered, from upperclassmen who have lived in the same dorm before, an abnormally large amount of fire alarms in apparently the norm. And I got used to that. We ended up having (or so it seemed; I did not take count) about two to three fire alarms a month.

So what happens when the fire alarm goes off?

1. The alarm goes off; it is not too loud but you quickly find it obnoxious
• Note: try not to be in the shower or on the toilet when the alarm goes off; being "preoccupied" or giving a "private tutoring session" also sucks, but at least you have an awesome story to tell (and hopefully you have something to look forward to after the fire drill is over)
2. You head down to the end of the hall, go down the stairs and out the building
3. You need to be at least 25 feet away (because clearly the lack of fire is extremely dangerous)
• If there were a real fire, I think we would know to RUN THE HELL AWAY FROM THE BUILDING BECAUSE OMGHOLYSHIT IT'S ON FIRE!!!
4. Then you stand outside for about 15 minutes until an RA gives the OK to re-enter the building
5. Hopefully you have friends, otherwise you end up standing by yourself, alone, abandoned, ignored, overlooked
6. Make fun of people who were taking a shower or took forever to exit the building ("I'm sorry but you didn't make it out in time. You're dead. Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars.")
7. Once the RA gives the OK to re-enter the building, yup you guessed it, you re-enter the building
8. Then you go back to whatever it was you were doing

Last year, on one night in particular, we had two fire alarms go off a hour apart. The first was at midnight and the second at 1 a.m. It also happened in December (or January; either way it was quite cold). Fortunately there was no snow on the ground and both times I remembered to grab a hoodie. As bad as that sounds, it was actually quite fun. Someone was practicing the banjo in one of the music practice rooms in the basement and brought it with him. So we had a singalong. With a banjo. Because we could.

Then we got the OK and went back to our rooms. My roommate and I decided to go bed because there was no way another alarm would go off, right? Wrong. Exactly an hour after the first alarm went off, a second one came along and decided it did not want us to get any sleep. But on the plus side, Banjo Guy was back And, as bonus, a guy with a mandolin also showed up. So we had a second singalong.

Fortunately, that was the last fire alarm for the night. I also thought that a two-fire alarm night could not be topped. Even people who had lived in the dorm before last year had never experienced a two-fire alarm night. So there was no possible way a three-fire alarm night could ever happen. Ever. Until it did.

Believe it or not, my dorm had a three-fire alarm night. And I was lucky enough to witness it. We have already had three fire alarms before that night (I am definitely keeping count this year) but they had been spread out over the first seven weeks since move-in week. But we had not had one since September 20th, and after three fire alarm-free weeks, you start feeling a little jumpy. I started suspecting something was going to happen day or two before it happened.

So when the first fire alarm went off, I was not surprised. I was sort of expecting it. I grabbed my hoodie (it was in the mid-50s, locked my door behind me (just my paranoia of people stealing my stuff; a locked wooden door is not going to do a good job at stopping a fire), started chatting up my friend who lived across from me, headed to the end of the hall, went down the stairs and out the building. My friend has not lived in the dorm before, so I keep having to reinforce the fact that we have a ludicrous amount of fire alarms.

Once outside, a few of us gathered around and started chatting to pass the time. What did we talk about? I do not remember. Probably TV commercials, having class in the morning (a few unlucky souls had 8 a.m. classes), the ridiculousness of fire alarms at the dorm, homework that got interrupted, etc. Then we were allowed back in, but only after being reminded to stay 25 feet away from the clearly-not-burning building.

Some people went back to bed, some back to their homework. I, having remembered last year's two-alarm night, elected to wait until after an hour had passed since the first alarm went off to go to bed, just to be safe. I actually started on homework, trying to kill time until I felt it was safe to go to bed without worrying about being awoken by a fire alarm. I ended up making a wise decision.

About an hour after we got back into the dorm, the second fire alarm of the night (and fifth on the year overall) went off. My reaction (sarcasm font needed): fantastic, absolutely fantastic. I greeted my friend across from me with an "I told you so" attitude, having previously warned him about the possibility of a two-fire alarm night. Other people on the floor we reacting with disbelief, with "are you kidding me?" looks. Someone even asked if we were even supposed to evacuate, or whether this whole thing was a joke.

So we all gathered around for a second time, some bemoaning how they had gone to bed and others  still had homework to do (the homework I started on was not actually due the next day so I was not real upset). Once again, we stayed 25 feet away from the invisible, flameless, non-existent fire that was raging in my dorm. Then we got the OK to re-enter the building, but before we could even finish climbing the stairs up to our floor, a third fire alarm went off. Clearly someone felt we did not get enough exercise or social interaction.

Wash, rinse, repeat. Back outside, some more talking and moaning (not the good kind), and then back into the building. I ended up finishing the homework and going to bed sometime after 3 a.m. That was definitely playing it safe. The prospect of four fire alarm did not and does not seem out of the question. I thought two could not be eclipsed. But then it happened. Surely three could not be eclipsed either. But it is still early in the year so there is plenty of time to be proven wrong. But I hope not to be.

Until next time, Orange Hat Guy